Now that we’re home, it’s time to process what was truly the trip of a lifetime. My fabulous traveling partner in crime
and I thought it would be fun to share a list of all the things we learned. (Pop over to hers for a slightly different take.) It’s hard to encompass a trip like this in a blog post, where we saw and experienced so many new things, but we’ve tried. And at the end, there are some practical travel tips for you. Together with our husbands, we covered five countries in twelve days, and on one epic journey, by car, ferry, train, and walking, managed to cover 3376 miles in 11 hours, so trust me when I say we found some shortcuts. We start with the random facts, and move on to the practical stuff. Ready? Onward!
All of the Botox in the entire world is made in Westport, Ireland. No kidding. We learned this in the middle of a tour of Westport House itself. It was certainly a non sequitur regarding the history of said house, but it stuck with us. Go figure! Of all the places for Botox to be made.
Here’s why vehicles in the Commonwealth all drive on the wrong side of the road and the wrong side of the car: it is to accommodate the monarch. In ye olden days, the King’s carriage opened on the right side. So when motor vehicles finally made it across the pond, the royal court decided that instead of asking the King to begin exiting on the left, they would re-engineer the vehicles instead. Fascinating. There is also a good bit of archaeological research that harkens back to Roman soldiers being forced to march left, because most people are right-handed, and that assured they would meet the oncoming horses/soldiers with their sword hand…
You cannot dry your hair in a UK bathroom. You have to dry it sitting down in the bedroom because there are no outlets in the bathroom at all. There is only a plug for an electric razor. Is this normal overseas? If so, why? Did someone try to dry their hair while in the bathtub and accidentally blow up the Ritz? Truly, I’m so curious about this.
Speaking of hair, a hat and/or a hood is an absolute must when traveling in the UK. Rain comes, and goes, and comes again. Also, a sturdy pair of waterproof boots and a decent pair of white sneakers that you can walk miles in are all you really need. Don’t pack any other shoes. You’ll only take up much-needed space in your carry-on. (Yes, I said carry-on. You do not want to be dragging a monstrosity suitcase through various transit.)
The Hague looks like Hogwarts. We needed to see the Hague for a bit of research, and, having never committed war crimes, we all assumed that the international criminal court would be a big, shiny campus filled with glass and metal buildings, like the UN Plaza in Geneva. Not so! It’s an enormous, beautiful administrative building built in the neo-renaissance style called The Peace Palace. This is a good lesson in don’t assume, and eventually, it would have been discovered by a simple Google search. But then we wouldn’t have been so delighted by the surprise. It was simply gorgeous.
Speaking of surprises, here’s a saying for you: “Surprise is the great enabler of seeing.” If you know it’s coming, it won’t take your breath away. Ariel forgets who first said that (it has something to do with the Grand Canyon) but that saying became the theme of our trip.
Six-foot-tall geraniums exist. And we found them outside the gates to the Hague. Not sure why we found this so enchanting, but I did. Our mothers both grow them by the bucketload and now I need to find a way to train the ones on the porch into large conical beasts
The Savoy in London is *the* place to people watch. (We’re looking at you, Ferris Bueller, Carrie Bradshaw, and Jason Bourne.) See also: pea and mint soup below.
The Book of Kells has a 400-year gap in its documented history. Not that this will set a writer’s imagination humming…
The Library of Trinity College Dublin empty of books is just as magnificent as it would be full of them.
Also, time-traveling Druids exist. We have photographic evidence of this. No, it is not in this photo.
You don’t ever want to end up in an oubliette. Trust me, they’re very medieval. An oubliette is just a thirty-foot hole in a dungeon where they tossed you and let you starve to death. Did we accidentally end up standing in the door to one such torture device without knowing it? Yes. But we were trying to wait out an unexpected rain shower.
Large parts of Braveheart were filmed at Trim Castle. Braveheart is one of my all-time favorite movies…and we’d just watched it a few nights prior to this discovery! They filmed several iconic scenes there, and seeing it in person was so fun—also a fluke visit, as documented below. Also, it is very tall, so walking the battlements is highly recommended for those scared of heights. (No, no it is not. But the view was magnificnet.)
Many medieval castles were built with “stumble steps”. These stone steps of varying height and width were designed to literally trip up invading forces…and they do a nice job of making it hard on modern travelers, too.
If you are right-handed, you cannot swing a sword going up a clockwise built spiral staircase in a castle. These staircases are part of a castle’s defense system…seven in ten people are right-handed…if you were left-handed, they would not let you in the military. Likely because they’d already killed you since they believed that left-handed people were possessed by the devil. Also see: Why the Irish and Commonwealth drive on the right side of the road.
Bodily fluids were collected to…wait for it…disinfect clothing. Ew. Personal hygiene was very much not a thing in medieval times… For your fourth floor stumble step walkup, there was a grate that went down a chute into a cauldron over a fire, and the medieval dry cleaner stirred the urine to keep it…fresh? The steam wafted back up the grate vent into the clothes hung above. That took care of all sorts of pesky vermin, lice, fleas, etc. Who knew that stench was so powerful? Also, I am firmly convinced olfactory senses have evolved. How else could they have stood the stench?
Sometimes the best parts of a trip happen when you don’t have a plan. We had a whole day trip planned to do research for Ariel’s book, and were stymied when we discovered Rockfleet Castle is under construction. (A good thing, that, the sea kisses the foundation, it would soon be lost without help.) We had a couple hours to kill, so looked at a map and saw an island nearby. At first, Achill seemed like many other areas we’d driven: isolated, full of sheep (my favorite was spray painted the colors of the Irish flag. The wool painting help farmers ID whose sheep are whose.) Then we stumbled upon the Cliffs of Croaghan, and the world changed.
On another day we went to tour Howth Castle in Dublin but could only walk around the grounds thanks to a film set. However, one of the security guards suggested we visit Trim Castle instead. We would have never gone there otherwise. Same with our wander down the Thames looking for the hanging docks, and the on-going search for a gluten-free scone.
Gale-force winds can actually knock you down. Had said winds been coming from the other direction on the Cliffs of Croaghaun, we’d be floating somewhere in the Atlantic right now.
Standing at the far western edge of Europe, on top of a cliff, at sunset, can only be described as a religious experience. There are no words that can do the majesty of this moment justice.
You can’t plan a religious experience. Just let them happen.
Houses built near water often need $55 million renovations. Mother Nature is a cruel master…
Trout swim upstream. Not just salmon…and you can spend a lovely half hour by a man-made dam cheering them on.
Hugh De Lacy (and his progeny) is everywhere. Never heard of him? Neither had we, but he built many of the tower castles in Ireland.
A castle is great if you can keep it. Good grief, did these fortresses change hands from one invading army to another….It wasn’t rare to pop down to London for a few months and come home to find your brother had laid claim to your lands and laid in enough food and whiskey to withstand a year-long siege. Cheeky.
You can, in fact, consume too much Irish whiskey. And one does not even have to become inebriated to reach this point.
The E in whiskey was added to let consumers know that certain brands were premium quality. There is a difference between whisky and whiskEy. I’d always wondered why it could be spelled with or without that E. (Copyeditors, please take note.)
Irish whiskey is aged in oak barrels for three years and one day. Why? Because the Scots only age their whiskey for three years and the Irish must be better At All Costs. Not that they are petty or competitive. (Editor’s note: does “petty” have its roots in “competitive?” Must investigate).
You can count to ten in Gaelic, but no one will ever understand you.
Feel free to wander onto film sets. They love that. Then have a coffee at the nearby golf course cafe. You might see a Dame or two. (We’re looking at you, Lesley Manville).
According to Ken, our taxi driver, the Irish started Halloween as we know it today. In keeping with the spirit of learning Grace O’Malley visiting at dinnertime, was turned away from Howth Castle, and in revenge, she stole away with a child heir, the ransom for whom was a guaranteed spot at the dinner table forever more. That’s why the Irish leave a plate out on Halloween, to appease her spirit.
Now, here’s some more practical travel advice:
Use a travel agent. No, seriously, do not bother booking a two-week European research trip on your own. Even for the logistically minded of us, who love a challenge and a bargain, an experienced travel agent will always find a better, safer, cooler deal. And if things go awry, you have a grounded person to help. And they will go awry. This is travel, after all.
If you don’t speak the language, don’t use it. I wandered around Amsterdam for three days saying Dank, Bedank, and Dank je wel and got nothing but dirty looks. Also see: Americans are not able to blend in.
When traveling with friends, book part (or all) of your stay in an AirBNB or a VRBO. This will give you a home base and a chance to do your laundry… Going forward, this will be our primary mode for the lengthier portions of our stays.
Also, when possible, travel with people who know how to flip a switch to make the washer work. And by “people” we of course mean husbands.
Try new foods. Some you will love (pea and mint gazpacho, sea greens) and some you will not (that rhubarb crumble can die a thousand deaths and I will never be sorry. It actually tasted like it had died a thousand deaths.)
Don’t overpack. You’ll end up wearing the same sweater and jeans almost every day because it A - looks cute and B - they are the most comfortable item you brought.
Also, don’t fret about the fashion. Social media influencers being what they are, their reach is no longer local. Day-to-day fashion has become remarkably homogenized. A uniform of jeans or black pants with crisp white sneakers and a cute top/sweater will take you from the most casual event to the fanciest.
Do wear your most comfortable walking shoes. Everyone wears sneakers, in all their glory, everywhere. And you will be walking for miles. Especially in the airports…
Don’t try to look like you’re anything but a tourist. It doesn’t matter if you speak the language or wear the same clothes, you stand out as other. Americans, especially, have a certain bearing, a confidence in how we walk even when we’re lost, that draws heads. If you consider the history of where you’re traveling, that becomes more understandable. We have never been invaded. None living have experienced the atrocities of war on our soil. We have never been conquered, and it shows.
When in doubt or having issues with food, retreat to a high-end hotel. Some cities/countries aren’t great for food allergies. Some are fantastic. What they all have in common is a Waldorf-Astoria or Ritz Carlton or Four Seasons, and because these cater to a higher-end clientele and have seen everything, they almost always will be able to accommodate even the most esoteric food issue. An afternoon cup of tea and a GF biscuit can be a four-hour respite from the chaos of travel.
Don’t try to do too much. Listen, there is SO much to see in this world. You can’t see it all in one go, nor should you try. There’s a sense of urgency when you travel overseas: you’ve spent a gazillion dollars on this trip and you have to visit every attraction, every museum, take every tour or boat or walk, find every Instagrammable photo spot. No, you don’t. Limit yourself to a morning excursion and an afternoon excursion at most, and let the rest happen. The best parts of this trip were the unscripted ones.
Some places are not your jam. I had a particular city we visited that has long been on my bucket list, and discovered that it was not my place. I was shocked, and disappointed. I tried a number of paths to remedy the sense of dislocation I felt, to no avail. Everything from the food to the vibe was just not right. I was relieved to leave, and you know what? THAT IS OKAY! You don’t have to love every moment of a trip to have it be a solid experience. There were beautiful, enjoyable moments, and I focused on them. Now I know that if we ever do a year abroad, we won’t need to spend time there.
Protein is your friend, especially on travel days. You will get tired. You will get grumpy. You will pick up a cold, eat something that disagrees with you, or land in a place that isn’t your jam. You can’t let that color the whole experience. It’s just a moment. Find a warm place, get a salad with some chicken, and you will feel 100% better.
Reality might bend. Understand and accept that at some points in your travels, especially when driving cross-country on an empty stomach, deep philosophical discussions about what is real and what is fabricated will be necessary conversations.
When traveling with friends, let everyone play to their strengths. On this journey, we had an unflappable driver, a logistics lover, a navigator extraordinaire, and a rare experience finder. That’s the *perfect* combination. Also, you have to go with the flow. If your team says, “Hey, let’s take a day off and veg by the fire with a book,” you should listen. And if your team is raring to go but you aren’t, stay behind and chill.
Pick your travel partners wisely. One of my favorite experiences of the whole trip was discovering how much we had in common with our friends. That might sound strange–they’re close enough friends that we wanted to go overseas for two weeks with them–but we found we liked the same “experiences” and our living-together-overseas rhythms were very much in sync. If you have early bird museum troopers matched with slow on-ramp country walkers, you might get frustrated. We discovered we really loved having a home base in a small town that allowed us to explore and ramble around. Going forward, we’ll allocate fewer days to the cities and more to the moors and coasts.
The North West Coast of Ireland is hideous. Horrible. Awful. ZERO STARS. DO NOT LIKE. DO NOT GO! Okay, I’m joking. At the airport, when we checked bags for Knock (no choice, small plane), the attendant asked where we were going. We said Knock, and he said “Have you been?” We said “No,” and he replied, “Few have.” We didn’t realize at the time that the area we visited is literally NEVER recommended. Everyone stops at Galway (fucking Galway). But Westport and northward? No one mentions that it is exceptional. Ruggedly beautiful, incredible food, friendly folks, and some of the most striking coastlines you will ever see. Maybe the romantic nature of the research was getting to us, but it was a life-changing few days, and that’s not said lightly. Hands down the best part of the trip.
Finally, and most importantly, BE WHERE YOUR FEET ARE. My husband reminded us of this several times and it kept us from checking phones, worrying about what was happening at home, and otherwise getting distracted by our real lives. It is excellent advice both on and off vacation. We live in a distracted world, and it is too easy to be pulled away from the experience you are actually having.
What a great post, J.T. ~ Love it! ♥️That made me think––and this is a totally different subject—why do such wonderful posts like yours don't get hundreds of likes, and some rather dull ones gather thousands? I think I will never figure out the whole Substack/Social Media platforms. ☺️
And yes, Ireland is such a wonderful place. And you and your friend looked so happy. Very sweet! I'm happy you had a fabulous time.🤗🤗🩷
Ireland is such a DREAM. My husband had to talk me out of a four leaf clover tattoo while staying at Ashford Castle. Good thing bc apparently there is no such thing and the three leaf is considered lucky there. Or so says our Irish friend. Your trip looked incredible!